Are You an Overprotective Parent

“The rules for parents are but three—love, limit and let them be.”
- Elaine M. Ward

These days we are experiencing a new breed of parents, who have forgotten to let their children be themselves. This genre of parents have a name—helicopter parents. The name might sound interesting albeit logic defying to you. What’s a helicopter got to do with parenting? Nothing except hovering, yes, helicopter parents hover; they are constantly on guard protecting their children from every fall, fighting their battles, fretting over their grades, negotiating with their friends, always running that extra mile to safeguard their children and their interests.

Now, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? No. Agreed, helicopter parents cocoon their children from adverse situations, reactions and experiences, but while doing this they, in a way undermine the confidence of their children. “All said and done mistakes remain the biggest teachers and if you are not allowed to make one, you are deprived of an opportunity to learn,” says Dr. Arti Anand Consultant Clinical Psychology with Ganga Ram Hospital.

Mugdha Shekhar has just given her class X exams. She wishes to take Maths and Physics in Class XI, whereas her doctor parents are constantly advising her the benefits of opting for Biology, in lieu of Physics. To say the least Mugdha is frustrated. “All my life I felt squeamish at the mention of PTMs. Mom would ask too many questions during the PTMs,” says she.

Parents need to grow upIn a bid to protect the interests of their children these parents go to extreme lengths, often fighting their battles. In the year 2007 US media was splashed with the news of suicide of Megan Meier, a 13-year-old girl from Missouri, USA who killed herself after an online relationship she believed she was having with a teenager named Josh Evans turned sour. What her parents learned six months after the suicide was that Josh Evans was a fictitious creation, which was created by Lori Drew, a 47-year-old mother of one of the former friends of Megan Meier to settle score with her.

This might be an extreme instance of helicopter parenting, but instances abound where parents peer over each aspect of their children’s lives: do their school projects, shuttle them after school to various hobbies, hog attention during PTAs, scrutinize their report cards closely.

Dr Anand says, “Children with possessive parents or highly critical and judgemental parents will have lowered self confidence and self-esteem, they will have problems in making decisions and may have difficulties in dealing with others and in their relationship. Such adults will grow up to be confused and may not be able to take responsibility for their actions. Such adults may be become highly anxious and depressed easily and are overly sensitive to criticism.”

Millennia kids, roughly the kids born between 1981 and 2002 are experiencing this treatment. Roma Ranjan, mother of two teenage children says, “This generation is a pampered generation. As parents we strive, scurry and do everything feasible to fulfill the whims and fancies of our children. By serving everything on platter we are painting rosy picture of life before them.”

Namita Gokhale adds, “Last Saturday I had gone to the graduation ceremony. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter graduated from pre-school." "Aren’t we overdoing things?" quips she.