RESTLESS CHILDREN

Bunty had always been a restless kid. Even as a preschooler, he would poke his nose at the most unexpected places at home. He was forever screaming and bouncing on top of the furniture. No toy or activity ever held his interest for more than a few minutes. When his teacher's comments about his inattention and disruptive behaviour in class became too frequent to ignore, his parents took him to the doctor, who recommended an evaluation for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Boys are about three times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with it, though it's not yet understood why. Dr. Rajeev Chhabra, consultant—paediatrics and neonatology, Artemis Health Institute, Gurgaon says, “There is no specific reason for which children become hyperactive. In some cases may be genes are responsible. Normally, by the time such children become teenagers they calm down.” Dr Arti Anand consultant psychologist, Sir Ganga Ram Hospital adds, “Besides the genetic link (for which you can do nothing) a pregnant woman who is addicted to alcohol or smoking is at risk of giving birth to a hyperactive baby.” However, she is quick to mention that a high level of lead in the blood, can also lead to ADHD disorder.
Signs
• Can be easily distracted
• Do not seem to listen.
• Have difficulty playing quietly.
• Often run or climb excessively
• Difficulty following instructions
• Interrupt or intrude on others.
• Do not finish tasks.
Seven steps to calm down—
Treatment options for ADHD are extremely varied. Your treatment plan might include some medications prescribed by the doctor. Behavioural modification helps too.
1. Deep breathing is one of the simplest ways to calm the body. Teach your children to take deep breaths (in through the nose, out through the mouth) when they begin to feel frustrated and out of control.
2. Be careful! It is best to talk to the toddlers and let them understand that their actions disturb others and they can hurt themselves
3. Divert attention. If the child insists on making a mess in the kitchen you can divert his attention by letting him play with utensils. In all circumstances do not hit or slap the baby, suggests Dr. Arti.
4. Share moments. Use free time to take a trip to the park, read a special book together, take a walk, or simply giggle and be silly with your child. These free moments can be especially helpful in bonding with hyperactive kids.
5. Healthy bites. Dr Chhabra points out, “Parents can restrict the quantity of sugar or sugar substitutes in their child’s diet, because these things may contribute to hyper behaviour and mood swing of toddler. Parents should also take care of the presence of some essential fatty acids or, certain vitamins in a wholesome child diet”
6. Cuddle your baby. Touch therapy helps children with ADHD disorder.
7. Praise and reward: “Kids will be inspired to obey when their efforts are recognized by parents, teachers or other adults”, suggests Dr. Arti.
Doc speaks
• Insist on a regular bedtime and adequate rest. Insufficient rest can cause attention problems.
• Limit TV viewing. Though it is tough, it’s important.
• Encourage your children for some physical exercises everyday, preferably outdoors.

Inputs from Dr. Rajeev Chhabra, Paediatrics & Neonatologist, Artemis Health Institute, Gurgaon.

The right way to discipline your child

When it comes to disciplining toddlers as a parent we reprimand, scream or hit the child. All these methods are wrong and are not approved by research studies. On the contrary behaviour specialists recommend time out as an effective discipline technique that works well with children as young as 18-24 months old.

Dr. Sal Severe in his book How to behave so your kids will too, says, “Parents need to understand that their children's behavior is often a reflection of their own behaviour” Spanking a child for misbehaviour makes them realise that it is okay to hit.

In his book Dr. Severe has set guidelines for time out.
Time-Out Guidelines
 Determine the time-out setting:
o Safety first
o As boring as possible
 Identify one priority misbehavior
 Use a timer
 Explain time-out to your child:
o Time-out is going to improve behavior
o What time-out is
o How the time works
o How the timer works
o Describe the priority misbehavior (give an example)
 Use time-out as part of a plan
 Be consistent with time-out
 Stay calm when you use time-out
 Use a chart to keep a record of progress
 Initial episodes may be difficult (extinction burst)
 When you're putting your child in time-out, briefly explain what she has done so she can connect the behaviour with the time-out. A simple phrase such as “No hitting” is enough. Do not lecture and do not spank. Time-out is not the time for teaching or preaching.
 Do not negotiate with a child in time-out. Completely ignore him, even if he shouts, bangs or apologizes.
 When time-out is over, it is over. Create a fresh start by offering a new activity. Don’t discuss the unwanted behaviour, just move on.

The duration

Time-out should last 1 minute for each year of your child's age. It should not last for more than 5 minutes.
 You can use a stopwatch as timer. Make sure you put it where your child can see and hear it.
 If she leaves time-out, put her back quickly and reset the timer. This teaches her that you mean what you say. Be consistent.
Siblings
If your other children touch the timer, or tease their brother or sister in time-out, they should be also placed in time-out.
End of time out
 Make it clear that you are in control of when time-out ends. When time-out is over, it's over. Reminders or lectures after time-out may lead to the same misbehaviour. It's better to comfort your child.
 If your child repeats the behaviour that led to the time-out in the first place, repeat the whole process. If used properly, time-out will eventually work.
Remember, your child should know that time-out is directed toward the misbehaviour not him. It's important not to hurt your child's self-esteem by instilling shame, guilt, loss of trust, or feelings of abandonment.
Parenting is all about patience, it can be excruciating at times but kids imbibe the way their parents behave. Be a role model yourself, and kids are going to follow.

One size doesn't fit all

If you see your kid doodling, do not fret thinking he is wasting his time when he should be studying. Rather use this act of drawing images while teaching him. And you may find it to be an effective learning sty le of his. Read more with My Health Guardian


Kirti sings the mathematical formulas quietly to herself. Kavisha learns spellings by tapping her pencil in rhythmic patterns. Krish needs to put everything in points in order to cram. Anika draws pictures from her……….. Raghai puts his own logic to extend his knowledge of simple facts to harder ones. These children naturally express their preferred intelligences as they attempt to master their school assignments


We are all endowed with different personalities, special skills, preferences and tastes. And our ways of learning are as diverse as the colors of the rainbow. Parents and teachers must observe and value these differences. Once we are aware of their children’s strengths and know what kind of learners they are, we can build up activities that will make the most of their children’s abilities and increase the chances of their success.

“God never makes junk! Each one of us is special and has a unique set of qualities that just needs right encouragement and sometimes guidance to blossom”, says Dr Rima Sehgal, counselor at Bal Bharti school, Ghaziabad. Think of any one child or person who is not doing well in life and you would be able to find that the child is good in something else. Unfortunately, in our society a child's worth is determined by her Report Card, and parents have limited and comparative vision regarding their child’s future and career goals. As part of the rat race, every second person either thinks of Engineering, Medicine, CA, CS, BBA or maximum variation can be teaching career for girls! This happens when there are around 30,000 listed careers available!

Nitya Ramaswami, Head Child Development and Academics, Zee Schools, says, “Principally any child when posed with a concept confronts it with questions as--what, why, how and what if I do it this way? We would be devoid of inventions, had all of us thought in a singular pattern. Newton is a classic instance of ‘why’ intelligence and Bill Gates corresponds to the school of ‘what if I do it this way’ intelligence.”

But our conventional education system is focused towards rat race. The paradox is even if you win this race you’re still a rat.

Other than the two intelligences that we focus on-linguistic and mathematical skills, there are other intelligences that are equally important to a holistic human development. They include--visual/spatial, bodily/kinesthetic, musical, interpersonal, naturalist and intra personal intelligence.
Multiple Intelligences are eight different learning styles or ways to demonstrate our intellectual abilities, which was conceived by renowned educational psychologist, Dr. Howard Gardner,

Let’s survey and understand our children’s intelligences and make them their guide. In fact, there can be no one better than parents to assess the leanings of the child. Pay attention to the questions of your children and the activities he tries to do. Like does he dismantle household equipments or he asks questions. Whether he is good with expressions, sways to beats of music or doodles on walls. Observe your child if he plays a leader in a game and see what activities disinterest him. “Once you have a clue of the bend of the mind of your child, learning becomes a child’s play”, reasons Nitya.


Making children understand their stongest skills and the many ways they are intelligent will help them channelize their potential on the right path.

It is very important to encourage children to discover and tap into their intelligences. Creating a rich, fostering, and a motivating environment filled with interesting and constructive materials, toys, games and books, lays the foundation for healthier, happier and brighter children! Students who have these kinds of experiences know many ways to learn almost anything!
How do I judge towards which intelligence is my child inclined to? …while playing with your little one, chalk out a few activities and give him options to perform…solve a puzzle…sing a song………draw a picture or tell a story. You do not need to repeat all the activities every time but keep adding new ones and repeating just two or three. Soon his interest will come to the fore. Use this interest as his learning channel. You might also come to see a blend of intelligences in him.


Expose your child to a variety of activities and things that he is passionate about and wants to do. Allow him to express his knowledge in a range of ways. Soon you would notice recurring success and enjoyment in certain areas. That would be hint enough on the talent or specific high intelligence areas.


Tips for parents-

Understand that IQ is not fixed and there are innumerable options open for the child in spite of poor or average academics.
Help your child develop self-esteem that is essential to bring about any positive change, through appreciation and affection.
Find out the exact cause of poor performance and help the child do better accordingly
Focus and encourage what the child can do best rather what he would land up doing average!

Help him draw his strengths, focus on the learning skills that he can master and see what acumen would he like to expand?

TEENAGE DILEMMAS

Parenting was never a cake-walk, but teenage years of the child are definitely one of the trying times for parents. Six years of teenage from 13 to 19 are actually a stage of metamorphosis for the child when he takes a leap into the adult world. My Health Guardian explores the world of teenagers

(Karan with sister Tanya)

Fifteen-year-old Vipul was brought to Dr Jayanti Dutta, a well-known consultant clinical psychologist in Delhi, because he had turned abusive and violent in his behaviour towards parents, as they could not afford a swanky car for him and were driving plebeian Maruti Alto which did not conform to his peer group. The child even suggested that they could do away with the mum’s jewelry to deposit the margin money for the car.
“Such blatant materialism!” reflects Dr Dutta. “Somewhere, we might have gone wrong as parents,” says she.
The transition years of teenage though simple becomes complex because different factors are at play: peer pressure, immature juvenile mind, curiosity about sex to name a few. But, the way you deal with the teenage minds is going to affect their psyche for years to come. And this is where the challenge of parenting a teen lies: how to screen your child from the negative peer pressure and to instill values so that he grows in a responsible adult.

Vera Garg, Lead Teacher, Social Studies, at the American Embassy School, New Delhi, a proud mother of two grown up sons says, “I never had a difficult time with my children in their teen years, for the simple reason that we believed in talking a lot, mostly across the dining table where we shared our day’s high and low points everyday. We were vigilant all the time, nevertheless we trusted them. ” Shalini Nambiar, director Excelsior American School, Gurgaon had always counseled parents to let children follow their dreams, but when her son decided to do so it was not an easy decision for her. “My nineteen-year-old son Karan got an interview call from IIM, which he did not want to continue. Rather he asked me to give him two years of his life to pursue his dream of music. It was one of the most difficult decisions of my life to let my child do what he wanted, because as a parent I would like him to be secure. But then, parenting is all about letting children follow their dreams, I guess,” says she.

CHALLENGES


PEER PRESSURE: “After having spent so many years as a clinical psychologist, if you ask me I will say that the biggest factor that influences the mindset of children is the peer pressure,” informs Dr Dutta. She is distressed at the growing promiscuous behaviour in well known Delhi public schools, where teenage children make out during school time so that they can get peer acceptance. It is in the peer pressure that teenage children give in to underage drinking and driving.

COUNTER IT:

Vera had during the growing years of her children often discussed with them which behaviours are cool and which are not. Under age drinking and driving were surely un-cool behaviours. “And, I never hesitated to give instances of my life where I have gone wrong, so that the children don’t get the impression that as parents we are infallible,” she recalls.

“Teenage children love to party and if you gain access to their peer group, you know how to screen your child from the negative influences. I party a lot at my place with the friends of my children and have a great time together. By doing this I also make sure that children are not overstepping boundaries,” shares Shalini.




INTERNET: There is so much uncensored information available all the time, and it can devastate the psyche of the child too.

COUNTER IT

Vera says, “The only way to outsmart the internet is by being vigilant.” Besides being vigilant, Shalini believes in rationing the time spent on the internet and the rules should be set in consultation with the teenage child.
Dr Dutta is all for having internet connection in the family room. In fact, this whole concept of child’s space, his room does not appeal to her for the reason that parents then become unaware of what’s happening behind the bolted door.

CURIOSITY ABOUT SEX: This is but natural.


HANDLE IT
As a parent you should make your child aware which is around ten years of age, says Vera. If the child is not supplied right information, he will find half baked ones which can be dangerous in these times. In fact, tell your children about body boundaries as well about the physiological changes that happen to him/ her in this age, says Shalini.

IDENTITY CONFUSION: Dr Reema Sehgal, counselor at Bal Bharti school says, “Teenage is a time when the child is groping for identity and his peer group supplies him with that. When your child turns rebel this is his cry to be noticed.”

HANDLE IT

The trick here is to pick your battles wisely. “My son wanted to grow his hair in his teen years, and I let him do so. Soon he got tired of it and got it cut. Similarly, I never made an issue when he got his eyebrow pierced, it was just a fad, and he got bored out of it,” says Shalini.

EXPERT COMMENT

Keep the lines of communication open. Talk a lot and don’t ask questions such as how was your school? You will evoke a one word response after which child will clam up. Instead, ask what your friend got for lunch today? The idea is to help the child open up.

Refuse to become a money minting machine to the child. Rather, spend time with children and nurture their emotions. Resist the urge to bury children with unreasonable gifts all the time, because by doing this you’re setting expectations in their minds.

Be there for your child always.

Establish rules that are non-negotiable.

Finally, your teenage child needs a parent. Be that.

What should you eat during exam time?

Exams involve stress. This time of the year is heavy with the anxiety of students cramming for their forthcoming class X and class XII exams. Obviously, students are frazzled studying for their exams and nutrition takes a backseat. This is the time when nutrition becomes more important than ever. My Health Guardian shares tips for fuelling your body and brain during exams.
Do not skip breakfast. Quick healthy options include--
Whole grain cereal/ wheat flakes, milk and banana
Instant oatmeal with raisins and milk
Vegetable upma or poha
Mixed vegetable porridge with boiled egg
Missi roti /Stuffed Parantha with buttermilk

§ Re-fuel every 3-4 hours. For long lasting energy, start with a fruit or vegetable; add a grain product and some protein (milk, cheese, yogurt, meat, eggs, fish, beans, nuts, seeds or peanut butter.) Plan study breaks and include a light meal or snack to keep your blood sugar and energy levels stable.

§ Have healthier snacks available. High fat, high sugar snacks provide little brain fuel and can cause unwanted weight gain. Have healthy options in your reach. The season offers many healthy options like—raw carrot with lemon juice, roasted almonds or walnuts, chocolate milk, steamed corn to name a few.

§ Cut down on caffeine. While caffeine can give you an immediate energy boost, its effects are short-lived. Overdo it and you’ll feel—jittery, restless, irritable, and unable to relax. Limit your caffeine intake to 2 small cups of coffee per day and try lower-caffeine beverages like green or herbal tea or decaf coffee.

Hydrate yourself. Not drinking enough fluids can leave you with a headache.

§ Avoid mindless munching. It’s easy to polish off a bag of chips or savoury snacks while you’re concentrating on your notes or reading, so don’t bring snacks to your study spot. Eat only in the kitchen or away form your desk. Take regular study breaks and look for true hunger signs.

Use non-food stress busters. Learn to decrease stress without turning to food. Get some fresh air, take a walk around the clock, call a friend, put on your favourite music, take a 15 minute nap, play a game of solitaire, or try some yoga, deep breathing or meditation.

Or better yet, make a list of some nice things to do for yourself when your exams are finished!

Is my child eating right?

What do women discuss when they congregate? One of the subjects surely is the eating habit of their children. Not only mothers are disturbed about their children’s eating behaviour but also fuss around it. The fact remains that no child stays hungry. But, we have to ensure that the children are eating well, after all growing kids need more nutrition. Dr Rajeev Chabbra, consultant Pediatric and Neonatal Intensivist at Artemis, Gurgaon says, “Roughly children’s meals should be divided as: morning breakfast, mid day snacks, lunch, afternoon snacks, dinner and post dinner feed.”

“Offer your children milk, as soon as they wake up and before they retire to bed,” advises he. As it has been proven in the studies that if a child is given milk before sleeping they have sound and peaceful sleep. Breakfast of cereals is good as it contains complex carbohydrates which provide slow release of energy to sustain longer, the other options being poha, paranthas, sandwich,idli etc.

• Mid day snack portion may contain fresh fruits, handful of dry fruits


• Lunch should have a portion of vegetables, bowl of pulses/legumes, chapati/rice along with salad so as to fulfill the requirement of carbs/proteins/fats and fibres.


• Afternoon snack may include a glass of juice or some snacks which may be puffed rice/bhel puri/sweet potato/sweet corn/steamed peas,etc.


• Dinner should be the same as that of lunch and one should change the dal as different dals contain different proteins. If you are child eats non-vegetarian, give him/ her chicken and fish.


• To increase protein intake especially in growing kids, 5 eggs per week is recommended or for vegetarians cheese slices/cubes should be consumed.

Picky eaters

“Children who are fussy eaters are most of the time otherwise normal and it is always a behavioral problem. Stop fussing over their eating pattern,” Dr Neelam Mohan, consultant incharge Pediatric Gastroenterology at Ganga Ram.

Try to make mealtime a joy time for the family and as far possible sit together and eat same type of food.

Avoid offering food alternatives to the child. You should be firm but polite in your rules. Once a while junk food should be allowed but not regularly. Try to eat everything yourself as your child is watching you and will follow your eating behaviour.

Do not eat in front of the TV. If the child refuses to eat don’t shout or scream, just remove the food from there and do not offer any other alternative.

What should I buy?

The market is flooded with various milk food drinks for children. Each brand promises much more than the other, which leaves the consumers (in this case harried mothers) very confused. “Despite the tall claims made by each manufacturer, a closer look at the ingredients in these drinks shows they are more or less similar for all. They all contain milk solids, malt extracts, a sugar source (liquid glucose, dextrin, etc), flavouring, and are fortified with vitamins and minerals. Almost all the drinks are fortified with the B- Complex vitamins - thiamine, riboflavin, niacin, vitamin B6, and B12. The common property of B- vitamins is that they are essential for the metabolism and proper utilisation of energy, carbohydrates, proteins, and fat,” says Dr. Mohan.

Sail through the school interviews

These days there's a lot of hype surrounding the school admissions process. Entering into the school life is one of the many exciting milestones of childhood. However, it can also be a stressful time for both children and parents. When it comes to getting children admitted to formal schools, most parents take it very seriously. No wonder, you feel anxious about how you and your child will perform in the interview.

Admission at nursery level is generally based on an oral test of the child and interview or the parents. The main objective of the oral test is to observe the child to see what all qualities the child has; whether the child is active and really interested in studies: whether the child has got the capabilities to understand what the other person says and if so, how much receptive the child is, etc.

Known and unknown syllabus

• Identification of alphabets, colours, etc.


• Identification of birds and animals, vegetables, fruits


• Identification of common objects like household articles such as table, chair, pen, pencil, car etc.


• Recitation of one or two nursery rhymes


• Finding out missing alphabets and numbers: a, b, _, d, e, _ and 1, 2, 3, _, 5,6,7, _, 9, _, 11.


• What is your name?


• Name the days of the week, etc.

Preparing for the day

Get tension free

Your child will be judged according to her speech, perception of the world, and basic skills of reading and writing. So, do not take tension. Talk to your child enthusiastically about the big school, her admission and positive aspects in an interesting and friendly manner. Your worries will travel to her. Remember it is the first and not the last interview. So don’t punish her and always try to encourage with positive motivation.

Licensed to think

Preparation for the school interview is not an overnight activity. Interview or no interview; let your child express herself freely. Children shy away from neighbours, guests and relatives. This tendency should be curbed. The child must be able to express her thoughts and knowledge well, of course without being overconfident. This will ultimately help her to create a good impression in the 15 to 20 minute short interview.

More interactions

Make your child alert to the environment around her. Give satisfactory answers to her questions. Habits like greeting visitors, shaking hands with new acquaintances, saying hello to neighbors, wishing a New Year to a loved one, will help the child to not only do well in the interview. But these will be lifetime gifts.

Be neat and clean

Teach cleanliness as a matter of principle. Be strict with the child when it comes to maintenance of hygiene. Teach the child to clean hands before and after every meal. Do not allow her to fancy long nails. Stop him from spitting in public places.

Handle with care

Teach the child to take care of her belongings and manners. She should know the importance of discipline and punctuality in her life.

Before you hit the school

• Listen for any expressions of anxiety.
• Talk with your toddler about their feelings.
• Brainstorm with them to find things she can do to feel better.
• Make sure she is getting enough sleep.
• Make sure you are not over scheduling her.

Inputs Dr. Arti Anand, consultant clinical psychologist, Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, New Delhi.