Raise confident kids

Self –confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, judgment, and value. Some children seem to be born with coyness and a lack of self-confidence. Dr Arti Anand, consultant psychologist with Sir Ganga Ram Hospital says, “A shy child will hesitate to make new friends and clings to the mother when she meets new people or in new situations. She will not talk to people who come at home.” Regardless of the cause, you can help your child build a healthy level of self-confidence. It helps your child to develop mentally and emotionally.

Positive parenting means responsibility of a parent to help a child grow with self-confidence. Dr Anand points out, “Such children become back benchers and resist to respond to teachers because they are afraid of any spot light shining on them.”

Road to confidence

1. Be proud parents. Be proud of your kids and show that pride. Be proud of what your child is and express that pride. Knowing that you’re proud of her, she will always refrain herself from going on a wrong path and will never hurt your expectations. This will definitely build her self-esteem.
2. Trust her! Trust, as we all know is “earned”. You must start building trust between you and your children. Nothing builds confidence in human beings like trust. Though it is not always easy for a parent to feel sure of their children’s abilities, start with small and realistic steps that are agreed upon and carried out.
3. Praise her. Appreciation works more than criticism. Parents often speak without thinking. Statements such as, “You’ll never get it right,” or “Don’t be so stupid,” may seem harmless when spoken, but they send a negative message to your child that contributes to a low self-image. Dr. Anand advises, “Build your child’s self-confidence by providing frequent, genuine statements of praise. Tell your children they are special, that you love them even when they fail.”
4. Perfect role model. Children learn a great deal by watching the role models in their lives. Parents are the first and the most important role models. Do not put yourself or your spouse down in front of your children. Be the perfect role model for your little angel.
5. Help them to choose right. Give your child choices. Being able to make decisions is something that your child will have to do all throughout life. Such decision-making skills will give your child confidence in her ability to make her own choices, as she gets older.
6. Admire your toddler. Respect your child's interests, even if they seem boring to you - take a genuine interest in your child's friends, and what's happening at school, and comment to show you're listening. “All the children should be given a chance to participate in plays, sports etc. Teachers should be polite and kind while expressing a failure rather than shouting and screaming at them,” suggests Dr. Anand.
7. Self-dependent kids. Don’t do things for your child that he or she can do alone. Children need to learn to take care of themselves and they learn this through hands-on experience. By knowing appropriate developmental stages of your toddler, you can identify which tasks he or she can safely do without your help. In the end, this will help build self-confidence.

Well-behaved kids

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
Franklin P Jones

All children have episodes of bad behaviour, some more frequently, severely and others less. It’s just a fact of life! As parents you can’t escape scenarios when your child will act in annoying or hurtful ways and refuse to co-operate with your requests. It’s normal for parents to fly in rage at such instances, but rage does not help, instead complicates the matter further. A good understanding of normal problematic behaviour can help you respond appropriately and more sensitively to your child at a time when she needs you most.

There is a growing epidemic of bad manners among school children. Teachers are complaining that their students, some as young as seven, are speaking to them in the same familiar way they speak to their friends. Dr Arti Anand, consultant clinical psychologist with Sir Ganga Ram Hospital says, “Young children imbibe behaviour of parents. If parents behave badly, children are going to learn that.”

Tell-tale symptoms

• Using bad language
• Behaving aggressively or violently
• Destroying property
• Lying
• Stealing
• Refusing to cooperate with necessary tasks, such as getting dressed in the morning, going to bed at night or doing schoolwork.

Causes

Why my young one is becoming difficult these days? If the question bothers you, experts have answers. Children try to grab attention, wrest power and sometimes seek revenge through their bad behaviour. Rude behaviour is also a garb for lack of confidence and feelings of disappointment.

Seven steps towards better-behaved children

1. Explain limits. When your child doesn't understand what you expect, explain your reasons. Make polite requests for changing misbehaviour, and be specific and concise. Say, "Please play with the ball outside, not inside, because something might get broken."
2. Provide a reminder. When your child forgets a rule, tell him the rule again. Explain what happens if the rule is not followed. After you have reminded her of this rule, place her in the stroller if she breaks the rule again.
3. Take your time. If you find yourself angry or frustrated with your child, "take time." Take a deep breath, count to 20, or give yourself five minutes away from your child to cool down before you respond.
4. Aggression hurts. Never strike your child in anger. This teaches your child that aggression is okay. Dr Arti points out, “ Sometimes the teenagers become aggressive and out of control if their demands are not met. Again if parents do not spend quality time with their children or are unable to communicate with them, children tend to be frustrated and aggressive.”
5. Time out. Learn to use the "time out" method to help your child regain self-control. Give your child some time alone, not as a punishment, but as an opportunity to recover from a bout of misbehaviour. Try to discuss the behaviour problem constructively with your child.
6. Take a break. Allow for some breaks in routine to reduce boredom. This gives children a chance to experience fun and variety, and still lets them return to the security of familiar routines afterwards.
7. Just ignore. Ignoring misbehavior is an effective way to deal with fighting between siblings and misbehavior that is directed at getting attention. Children do need attention. Children, who do not get enough positive attention will settle for negative attention, e.g. yelling, brought on by misbehavior.

As parents we strive to give our children what we didn’t have in our growing years. Sometimes in this struggle, children miss out on what we had in our growing years—time of parents. Children are malleable and inculcating good behaviour is not difficult after all, but like all episodes of parenting it is going to test your patience. Amen!