Parenting is akin to enrolling yourself in a school. Everyday springs new surprises and has lessons to offer, wise parents keep learning and moving on. Often, parents feel shocked when they learn that their otherwise honest and truthful child has begun to experiment with lies. While some lies are innocuous and are products of overactive imagination, there are some, which are spoken intentionally. Now, there is a good and bad news attached to it—the good news is that the child has become grown up enough to tamper with facts to wriggle out of awkward situations like an adult to save his skin and the bad news is that he has learned to lie.
‘Though, Suhana never lied to me’, says Anchal about her seven-year-old daughter, but these days I often catch her lying to me without batting an eyelid. “Agreed, her lies are not big and are usually in response to the questions that she prefers to avoid, yet lying is not good”, says the worried mother.
Why kids lie?
Lying is a symptom and it calls for parental affection and concern. Eight-year-old Sagarika complained of unexplained aches and pains in her leg just before the Kathak class. The pains would last only for an hour. Her mother insisted on taking her to the class and sat through out the session. She found that Sagarika was not able to dance like the older girls in her class and felt de-motivated for this reason. When she joined the class meant for girls of her age group, she became the star dancer and her pains vanished. ‘Now, in fact, she looks forward to her Kathak class’, says the beaming mother.
Lying is a symptom and it calls for parental affection and concern. Eight-year-old Sagarika complained of unexplained aches and pains in her leg just before the Kathak class. The pains would last only for an hour. Her mother insisted on taking her to the class and sat through out the session. She found that Sagarika was not able to dance like the older girls in her class and felt de-motivated for this reason. When she joined the class meant for girls of her age group, she became the star dancer and her pains vanished. ‘Now, in fact, she looks forward to her Kathak class’, says the beaming mother.
Sometimes what we call lying is just a figment of imagination. Kids live in make-believe world and their thoughts correspond accordingly.Many a time unknowingly parents introduce their children to the web of lies. What do we expect our children to learn when we ask our spouse, friend or staff to answer a phone call for us and concoct an excuse for us. The impressionable minds of children are quick to learn that adults tamper with facts, and so can they.
Often, parents tend to attach strings to their love towards the child. Sometimes this can coerce your child to tamper with truth because s/he wants to conform to the standards set by parents. Manisha, a mother of two children shares her childhood memory, “When I was young, once I scored less marks in Maths. Studies were of paramount importance in my family. Hence, I lied to my parents that I have scored well, but I have misplaced my report card because it would reveal my lies.”
Whats the remedy?
If you find your child experimenting with lies then make them understand that lies erode trust. Have faith in your children and try to get to the root of lying; you might find a fear lurking there. As a parent it is also good to understand thsi fact that as kids grow they become more independent and want to exert that too. And therefore with their growing mind often lying becomes an escape route to wriggle out.
If you find your child experimenting with lies then make them understand that lies erode trust. Have faith in your children and try to get to the root of lying; you might find a fear lurking there. As a parent it is also good to understand thsi fact that as kids grow they become more independent and want to exert that too. And therefore with their growing mind often lying becomes an escape route to wriggle out.
Try to see them the reason behind your questions and they are likely to conform to your expectations. You will see a difference in their approach, thereafter.
